I cannot find my penis.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize