I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
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I immediately regret the tequila decision.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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