I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
