Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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