sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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