these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize