i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
