dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
