How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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