what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
