How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
