If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
