So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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