very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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