I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
