your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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