I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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