You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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