dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
