She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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