wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
