I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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