If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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