Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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