Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
worst night to have a conscience
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
