So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
