btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
