he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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