he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You need Xanax blowdarts
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
