Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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