you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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