My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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