you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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