I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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