is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My life is pants optional.
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