Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
