If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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