I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
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Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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