yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is the high leading the old right now
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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