Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
