I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize