Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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