Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
