Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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