R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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