So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
