Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You took a bar mat shot.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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