My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
