so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
