I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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