we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Come share oat with me in your robe
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
