I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
