she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize