i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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