Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
