Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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