I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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