Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize