my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
