Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
