Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
