Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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