hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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