How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
