If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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