I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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