3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
