I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
