Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
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Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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