Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
