so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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