I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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