So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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