I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How's work?
Spinning.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
