I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
