Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
