Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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